Sunday, March 10, 2013
The in-between space
"There was always something comforting, familiar about airports and air
terminals. They give me a sense of purpose and security."
My first thought after reading this sentence was "God, this person must be the exact opposite of me." I hate airports, I hate everything about them, their lights are too bright, the air is never the right temperature and you always say goodbye to something. Even if its travelling from Istanbul to Ankara for just the weekend, I dread the time I'll go to the airport and get this meaningless melancholy every time. But as soon as I pass the automatic doors of the airport and I'm out, I'm instantly in the mood to explore with a huge smile on my face. It's just that building that gets on my nerves so much. I never liked in-betweenness and maybe that's why I hate this space of perpetual in-betweenness.
Maybe I would feel totally different if I had been living in a different country than my ancestors. Maybe than, the airports would mark the contours of my life, give me a purpose. They may also become the place where I gather my thoughts and change into the mode of destination country, a kind of adjustment phase. The thing is, the later generations of immigrants can end up not knowing about the culture of the country of their origin. While some parents spend extra effort into teaching their young about their culture, for some this becomes only an annoying task. I think the reason of departure may have something to do with this. For some, the emotions the home country awakes may be a burden. The thing I've experienced from my cousins living in New York, they can't even speak Turkish and whenever they visit us here, Turkey is just a curious place that they don't really know about. They ask questions about food, about music and about everything but there is something missing in the sense of belonging. They know they don't belong here. Being Turkish in New York becomes the title they can brag about because it is so exotic to the other common Americans. Whenever I visit them there, I can see that I am treated as the most exotic creature on earth as well.
But for my cousin's case, they use their difference from Americans as a positive thing and because they are Turkish they are popular. They accept Turkey as this imaginary home made out of sugar because the experience related to it is positive. They always want to come back because they are always welcome here and gather many stories to tell back in their American home. But are they concerned with say, Turkish politics? Only the first and second generations are. I always wonder about how the latest generation of Turks particularly there would feel if they didn't get such positive feedback about being Turkish. Maybe calling here home would be harder than. Maybe airports would offer more comfort than Turkish family gatherings.
For me, home is where the heart belongs. It is the place where no matter what, no matter the accomplishments or mistakes, it is the place that you are 100% accepted to be back. It is the place you return after going out into the world and having fun. But after reading the articles I get the sense that this is because I was never forced or chose to leave my country. I was not confused growing up, I was Turkish, end of the story. I was not different from my peers. How and what we ate at home or how we behaved around our parents were all the same. Maybe that's why I have so much freedom and confidence claiming a certain to be my home now.
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Hahaha imaginary home made out of sugar :D Usually we think it is class that gets a certain group of immigrants discriminated rather than nation, but Americans really do have a thing about the Turkish :D I also experienced this when I was in a summer camp in Switzerland where the majority of the students were American. I was 15 and was very suprised to hear people responding positively to me being Turkish, because I had always experienced the opposite in European countries up to that point. And the airports, I always like them because I associate them with nice trips :D So it's probobly the meaning one attaches to the location due to one's background that produces all these feelings.
ReplyDeleteYou brought up an important point, the reaction of other people - the larger society. To my mind, whether one's "origins" are regarded in a positive light or a negative light influences very much how one can come to peace with one's "migratory background" and thus also develop a sense of home. Negative feedback from the larger society regarding one's origin, I think, can lead either to a detachment form the country of residence or a detachment from the parent's country. Positive feedback, though, helps to integrate both, maybe leading to more than one "home" or a "home" attached to people and maybe values rather than a more or less fixed place.
ReplyDelete''The things I'm hearing I've already heard
ReplyDeleteBut now I'm walking in a different world,
Just when I'm feelin like I'd made it through
And still had somethin that they never knew
The artificial is controllin me
And I dont' recognise a thing I see
And when it gets too late, I'll be chasin you home''
P.S. Yeah, airports really suck. I always make up this poker face when there, and I keep listening to music or reading a novel, in an attempt to ignore myself and get lost in another dimension. Doesn't matter where to, when in an airport you are leaving a place. Sometimes that lack-to-be is so overwhelmıng. So annoying.So helpless.